Opening up about how to deal with a break up; my 10 tips on how to boss your break up!
The other day I was at a fab blogging event and chatting about relationships and break ups with some of my favourite ladies (Ellie, Megs & Josie) when it occurred to me, that since my break up in 2015 I've never really spoken too much about it. Over the past year and a half (HOW was it that long ago?), I have to say that I was so proud of myself for how I handled the break up (I'd actually go as far as to say, I absolutely BOSSED it), the turn of events that followed the break up, absolutely changed my life in the best way possible. So today I wanted to share a little bit of wisdom with you all, from personal experience of my own horrible break up, to show you how to turn something so negative, into something so very, very positive. Girl, YOU GOT THIS!...
1.) Deal with it how you need to at that exact moment; a break up is such a weird thing to go through, half of it I kind of don't really remember because I felt like my body was just in shock of what had happened, I felt like I was sleep walking and your memory kind of blocks out the really shit, painful feelings. During the first few days, I cried through the night, in the shower, into my breakfast, driving my car, at the supermarket etc etc. But it was just what I had to do at that moment. Sometimes I wanted to cry uncontrollably, sometimes I wanted to be surrounded by my girlfriends and laughter, sometimes I wanted to be alone. You just have to do what feels right for you at that time, and only you know that.
2.) Remember the good times; even if your break up is messy or it ended badly, try to bury any anger and hatred, because you soon realise that the only person that will be affected by that is YOU. If you walk around hating on your ex for your life, you are the one carrying those negative feelings around. As hard as it really is, just let everything go. Forget about how it ended, or the drama or the fact that he was a dick (do they actually ever grow up though?!), and remember the good times. Remember the times he made you laugh, the holidays, take those with you, and smile when you think of the wonderful relationship you used to have. As much as it hurts to be apart, just take the good times and just realise that they aren't going to be anymore and move on.
3.) Focus on YOU; As hard as it is to focus on yourself when something traumatic has happened to you, you need to. A break up is a time to cherish some real 'me-time', you do you boo. Even though my heart was hurting, I had this feeling in the pit of my stomach, of excitement, to know that my future was a complete bank page and to know that I was holding the pen, where did I want to go? What did I want to do? Realise that it's all about you and run with it.
4.) Take care of yourself; I don't necessarily mean get a head to toe makeover (although it doesn't hurt to pamper yourself, get that break up haircut booked in all that - it's so nice to feel good about yourself during a shit time!), but take care of your mental health, at a time when you're struggling to cope, it's so important to take care of yourself as much as you can. Eat well, get as much sleep as you can (easier said than done), drink lots of water etc.
5.) The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else; Now girls, I'm not saying this works for everyone, but it personally worked for me. It was a phrase that I'd heard thrown around but once I was single I was kind of like 'oh, okay there really is plenty more fish in the sea' and whilst I was by no means for looking for anything serious, a girl still has needs you feel me?! Everyone deals with things differently, but to have some attention from another male is a weird/yet nice feeling, the first time you have sex with someone else after a relationship will always be weird. Just enjoy your time being single and don't take too much notice on what anyone has to say. You cope your way and that's all that matters!
6.) The world really is your oyster; It's the most liberating feeling in the world, to realise that the world really is your oyster! Once I'd handed in my notice I travelled Thailand and Malaysia for four weeks with my best friend and it was the best thing I ever did, travel has always been such a big passion of mine, but something that during a long term relationship I'd held myself back from slightly (if I'm being completely honest with myself), so I made a pact with myself that 2016 would be my year to do 'me' and it bloody was, I travelled to 15 destinations and had the best year of my life!
7.) Don't look back; Easier said than done, I know, BUT I genuinely found it easier just going completely cold turkey, I personally think that staying friends doesn't benefit anyone (each to their own), but when they start dating it's something you don't really want to know about, and visa versa. To move on, as painful as it is I found the best way to cope was to cut all ties and walk away. After all, it's so hard to move forward if you're focusing on the past, create a new path for yourself and OWN it girl! <3
8.) Work out what it is that you really want; Take some time to sit down and work out what you really want from life, even though some people don't feel like or want to make any drastic changes after a breakup (which is perfectly fine, just however you want to cope), but this was the time that I quit my job to blog full time and travelled for four weeks, big changes during a break up was the best thing that ever happened to me because I felt like I was adjusting to a whole new life in one go and felt like a new woman!
9.) Stay in the 'boy free' zone for a while; Okay, okayyyyy I know this *slightly contradicts point 5, although point 5 is for a totally different reason! Have fun with guys and date etc etc but I'd stay away from anything serious for a good while. I met Ben after 7 months and that was when I felt ready, just after a break up I found it so important to just focus on myself and get myself to where I wanted to be rather than having an unnecessary distraction.
10.) Take strength from those who love you; Whether it was my blog followers, my friends or my family, everyone during my break up was just so, so wonderful! Sometimes it's so easy to just want to be sad on your own, but I'd always think well why not be sad with my girlfriends and a glass of wine? Don't ever feel like you can't take strength from those around you, people who love you will go to the ends of the earth to ensure you're okay, so let them!
And that my girls, was pretty much how I coped/dealt/survived a six year break up! Whilst I know that these 10 steps aren't going to fix you in 24 hours, I promise they will actually help. Just remember that each day gets a tiny bit easier, each day you are one day further from what happened and one day closer to building YOUR dream future. I truly, truly believe that everything happens for a reason and whilst is undoubtable is the shittest thing that will happen for you, the pain literally hurts your heart and you feel like you can't even drag yourself out of bed, but I promise it does get easier! I found the two best things for me where time and travel, each day the pain gets a tiny bit easier, and each memory that is built, an older one gets pushed to the back of your mind, and before you know it 6 months has passed, and you know what? You're A-ok! In fact your more than okay, because girl you absolutely BOSSED it!