"Your life is so glamorous" they said.
"You're always on holiday" they said.
"You get sent so much free stuff" they said.
I'm in the weirdest predicament right now. The above comments are something that I hear a fair amount, from family, from friends, from fellow bloggers or followers. It's such a weird feeling when people put your job on a pedestal but at the same time you feel like a failure. Like you're not good enough. Like your job doesn't deserve to be put on a pedestal because you know you're not quite enough right now.
I feel like I'm letting everyone down, including myself.
My head hasn't felt like it's been in the game for quite some time now, I'm not happy with the content I've been producing, my pictures, the quality - everything isn't quite up to scratch.
But what worries me, even though I hate feeling like I'm not producing my best work, I hate to feel like I'm letting you down. Like my content isn't worthy of reading or viewing anymore, like I'll be forgotten. It's so, so hard not to compare yourself to others. And whilst I know I have a good thing going on (please don't think for one minute that I'm not grateful to call blogging my job, because I really, really am so thankful everyday that I can do what I love), it's just so hard to not compare your journey to those around you.
I hate feeling like this, you guys know that I'm normally so happy-go-lucky, my outlook on life is always so positive, I see the best in everyone and every situation.
But, you know what? It's okay to admit that I'm not okay.
We all have bad days, regardless of how perfect people may think our lives are. I pride myself on being totally honest with you all, I see my followers as extended friends and family; there for me through the bad times, and to celebrate the good times. And for that I couldn't be more thankful to have you all following my journey and allowing me to make this my job.
A massive factor of my un-inspired-ness comes from not having moved back home yet, and I know this. I'm currently living with Ben and whilst I adore living with him, it's not my space, y'know?! I'm itching to get back into my family home and create a beautiful space where I can relax, clear my head and feel motivated. The copper and the marble decor is calling me (biggest cliche ever, no?!), but I just want a space where I can feel creative again.
I reallyyyyyyyyyy didn't want this to be a rambl-y, negative post - and I hope it hasn't been? I just wanted to let you guys know what's going on with me. So when I'm not posting on social as much or producing as much content, just know that I'm here - working constantly to better myself and my space on the internet, I just need a wee bit of down time, sometimes you kind of work yourself into the ground and pile on the stress and pressures that it can be easy to forget that 'hey, this is my job and I'm lucky as hell to do something that I love every darn day' - it's easy to sap the fun and creativeness from it all.
Which is why I'm off to drink some hot chocolate, get a pen to paper (old school brainstorming style) and work on some content that I can't wait to share with you all... it's time to get my blogging mojo back!
And for now, thank you, you beautiful lot, as ever for sticking with me; through the rough and the smooth! Y'all know how much ILY all?! <3